On Spammy Alliteration

In a world where lonely single men like myself (The life-blood of the Internet) receive more junk e-mail than real e-mail, the spammers have to come up with increasingly devious and attention-grabbing headlines to draw in the unwitting reader. Perhaps that’s why today I received the following from time traveller ‘Roman David’:

“Humping a harlot’s hairless hotspot!“

The first thing that struck me about this was the alliteration, to the point where it borders on a tongue twister… It’s not as easy to say ten times fast as it first seems, either, as I discovered at work when I found myself suddenly and wholly explicably on a call in the middle of the attempt. Did I get fired? No, sadly not. I’m a consummate professional and trained in such things, and as such I was able to switch instantly from explicit tongue-twister to soul-sapping call centre script. Nobody suspected a thing… Bugger.

And the second thing that struck me?

After all… What is a hotspot not?

Apparently the answer to that question is actually “Not a good spot”, the resulting double negative in the dialogue implying that a hotspot is, infact, a good spot, thus severely contradicting the rules of the game. I almost wish I’d been able to appear on the show, just so that I could sue the creators.

For oh, so many reasons.

The worrying thing is that my dad’s starting to look like Michael Barrymore, and slur his words like him as well. If I go home and find out he’s installed a pool, I’m calling the police.

Oh come on, the pool death joke was inevitable. I apologise for nothing.

~ by typeforty on August 15, 2008.